I have ten children and have been a mom for almost 21 years. It is a very large part of who I am and it is a role that I take very seriously. I read books, I study, and I devote the majority of my time each day to being a mom. The past couple of days I have been thinking. (Okay.... I have actually been thinking longer than that, but you know what I mean.)
I heard someone a few days ago say, "I don't know why my kids turned out so different. I raised them all the same." I've heard it said many times, but for some reason, this time it made me think and ponder. You can't raise them all the same. My oldest daughter has a totally different temperment and perspective from my other girls. And, quite honestly, I am a different mom than I was 20 years ago. Then I was young and we moved every couple of years and I wasn't near as secure as a mom. There are just WAY too many factors in the equation to make the claim that "they were all raised the same." I can share the SAME information with all my children and use the same tone of voice and the same words, but they will have different interpretations or peceptions for the same experience. Personal timing (what is going on with them personally), temperment, and maturity must be considered. My six year old son requires quick and firm correction; my eight year old needs gentle reproof. They are all in need of training, but, unfortunately, there is not one formula that works with every child. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."The verse says to train a child in his or her "bent" or "the way he or she should go." I endeavor to train up each individual child with his or her individual gifts, talents, temperment, etc. taken into consideration. I have to prayerfully depend on the Lord for direction on the way to train each one of my children. They don't all receive and interpret the same way I do. They don't all have the same love language I have. They don't all have the same temperment I have (thank goodness!).
And I have to do that 10 times.... it's a huge job. It's more than a full time job; it's bigger than a profession. It's a lifestyle - and I can't think of a better way to invest my time and energy.
I have more to say on this as I am still pondering it.
This is such a help! I am constantly seeing my mistakes and need for God's guidance in raising our children!
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize you had a blog, but I'm glad I found it. Although I'm not a mom yet, there's no reason for me not to make note of your words here. I actually find myself telling others how my "pastor & his wife have TEN kids" & I admire & observe your family. There is so much to appreciate about y'all. You guys broke off every misconception about large families that I've ever had! I'm learning more about how families should act just by seeing how amazing your kids all are. I also love how you factor temperaments into relating to them & disciplining them. I read that LaHaye book like fifteen years ago, but it really made a difference in how I interacted with others. In fact, I still have that book & could probably use a refresher right about now. Thanks for sharing your wisdom! I look forward to following your blog.
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