For years I have been so disheartened to see the divorce statistics among Christians is actually slightly higher than the divorce rate among non-believers. We can attribute it to many things; we can blame it on the popularity and acceptance of cohabitation (living together outside of marriage). But, it still is just not right. Why is it that there is no difference among Christians? Why is it that we can't "walk out" His Word and His ways? Shouldn’t we, as Christians, although not perfect… shouldn’t we hold to a higher standard? Doesn’t God’s Word work for us? Isn’t the covenant of marriage and the vows that we pledge in front of God, family, friends, and a man of God sacred? Doesn’t it mean anything anymore? I believe that we, as Christians, have allowed culture, once again, to influence and shape our views and pervert what God intends. God is FOR marriage… His plan is for the two to become one and united so that they can accomplish MORE for the kingdom. (Deut. 32:30 says one can put a thousand to flight (wow!), but TWO can put TEN THOUSAND to flight (Amazing!).) The power of marriage is exponential! Amazing to think about what TWO can do. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 also states that two is better than one. There are many reasons: the reward for your labor is greater; you have a constant supporter and helper; you have a constant source of warmth and can have your needs met; there is more strength in two; and, two united cannot easily be overpowered. I think most of us get married with visions of this type of relationship: growing strong together, united completely, and ready to withstand whatever the enemy hurls at us. But somewhere along the line the enemy gets in and creates a crack in the foundation. And then the crack becomes a fault – and then it becomes a chasm. And then we got into survival mode and it’s difficult to see anything beyond the chasm. Married people.. it’s time to UNITE and stop letting the enemy overpower you. It is worth it! For the sake of your heritage (your children and the generations that follow), don’t give up! Husbands and wives, commit yourselves to the marriage covenant and to the health of your relationship. You may be right, but do you want to be standing alone declaring your mantra that you were right? Or are you willing to let things go, compromise, and stand united, ready to put ten thousand to flight? There is no room for selfishness in a God-centered, big picture marriage. When you said “I do,” that was a commitment to meet the needs of your spouse. (The book “His Needs, Her Needs” by William Hartley is an excellent read.) It was not a commitment to evaluate your spouse to see how well they are meeting your needs. It wasn’t a promise to always feel warm and fuzzy and fluttery when you look at your spouse. It was a commitment to one another! You are committed to that person with all their faults and short-comings. You are making a pledge to a covenant relationship with this person. And in a culture that doesn’t understand the value of that or the foundation for a Godly marriage, you’re going to need to work at it! Purpose to be around other GODLY couples that model a healthy marriage. Read books together. Pray together. Spend time with one another. Make your relationship an evident priority. Speak your spouse’s love language. (The book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Smalley is excellent.) I am committed to my husband. I am committed to his well-being and health. I am his help mate and am committed to supporting him and cheering him on in his endeavors.
I know this posting is rambling a bit, but it has been on my mind…. I have more to post. I am also disheartened at the focus and energy that is placed on the wedding production and the built-up fairy-tale portrayal of the bride. But that is another post for another day!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Transformation for kids and vacation for parents
I'm not trying to slam anyone or be critical of anything, but there is an ad on the radio for a Christian camp for kids and this is the promo line.. "A transformation for the kids and a vacation for the parents." What? How does that even work? I'm sorry, but it doesn't. That's like saying "All the food you want to eat when you want to eat it... and the perfect body in 10 weeks!" It just doesn't work like that. I saw another brochure tonight that was talking about the couple of hours your children spend in church a week and how that can be life-changing.... See, here's the thing. God has given the job of training children to PARENTS. No one else has been ordained for that task. Yes, it's a huge task. And yes, it is a challenge. But we can't delegate it to some fancy camp or educated teacher or private school or beautiful church with a trendy mission statement. We, as imperfect, struggling, inadequate parents are the ones that are called to transfer to the children. Deuteronomy 6 tells us that we are to do it in our every day activities - not just the elaborate "memory-making" planned events. When we rise and when we sit and when we walk and when we go about our day-to-day activities. That's when the real stuff takes place. Kids are not transformed while the parents are sitting around with their feet up neglecting their responsibilities. Kids are transformed when parents accept and embrace their calling as mentors and leaders and teachers to God's most valuable gift: our children. Kids are tranformed when the priests of the home assume their rightful position of authority and stand against the powers of darkness and earnestly pray and stand in the gap on behalf of their legacy. Kids are transformed when moms pray for and love and value their children.
Vacation for parents... sounds tempting.. but I think I'll just stay on duty.
Vacation for parents... sounds tempting.. but I think I'll just stay on duty.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Embracing Motherhood
This is a topic that has been on my heart for quite some time and I think with the approaching Mother's Day that it is a great time to write it. I love the verse Luke 2:19 referring to Mary after the birth of Jesus: "But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart."
As mothers, we love to share our birth stories: pregnancy, labor, delivery, first few days of birth. It is a "magical" moment (for lack of a better word.) It is a moment of awe and wonder. Bringing a life into the world is a phenomenal and remarkable experience. There is a reverent awe about it that is unparalleled in our every day existence. I have done it ten times and it is absolutely amazing every time. I am awestruck at the absolute miracle of it all... discovering I am carrying a child before there is any outward, visible showing; feeling the movement of the baby for the first time, hearing the swishing heartbeat, seeing the moving limbs on the sonogram, watching elbows and knees move across my extended belly, and the entire birthing process, the great force of my muscles preparing my body for the miraculous birth, the incredible feeling of seeing the baby the first time and the beauty and freshness of him/ her.
Yes, I treasure these things and I ponder them in my heart. I go beyond that. I share the stories with others. I share them with my children. They love to hear their birth stories. I reflect on them... and not just the stories of their births, but stories of the baby years, and toddler years, and elementary years. I treasure all of it.
When I was a young girl, I played with dolls. I imagined myself to be a mother. It was my greatest aspiration. Oh, I thought of other professions and entertained the idea of being a veterinerian, a physical therapist, a school teacher, a family and marriage counselor, a performer, a nurse..... but I never abandoned my aspirations of being a mom. And then, over 21 years ago, that dream became a reality. I graduated from college with a degree in English and certification in secondary education on December 15, 1989. December 26 (11 days later), I became a mom. I admit that I did not have the revelation of being a mom then that I have now. It was incredible and I didn't sleep for two days after the birth of my first from the sheer adrenaline. But I didn't embrace Motherhood. I accepted it, but I didn't EMBRACE it and treasure it. I thought that it wouldn't be enough. I was still thinking of teaching school and going back to college to pursue higher education. I didn't realize that motherhood could define me... I didn't know that was acceptable. About three years later, I gave birth to my second born, my first son. It was a beautiful experience, but I shuffled him into my busy life full of ministry and "bigger" pursuits. Two and a half years later I gave birth to my third child. She was also shuffled into my busyness. Two years and three months later I gave birth to #4. We were at a different season. We weren't "on staff" at a church and I had more discretionary time. I enjoyed her and the others daily. I played with them and taught them and read to them and loved it. Two and a half years later I gave birth to #5. I was moving into a season of embracing. I was beginning to realize(finally... I'm a slow learner) that being a mom wasn't secondary. It wasn't a peripheral, it was the focus. It was primary; and it was to be embraced. Fifteen months later I gave birth to #6 at a conference in Illinois. That is an entertaining birth story (we'll save it for another blog), but his first year of life was part of our busyness... but he made it magical. We flew home when he was six days old and were reunited with my other children. Those first few days and weeks of being a mom with six children was a time of changing and maturing and moving into my element. I wholeheartedly embraced my role. I reveled in it. I no longer feel like being a mom isn't enough. I have moments of feeling inadequate or ineffective, but I LOVE being a mom. Colossians 3:23 says whatever you do, do it with all your heart. I am a whole hearted mom. My children are not shuffled into my busy world... my busy world is shuffles around them. I am reminded of the jar full of sand that you try to put the rocks in. The rocks won't fit - until you pour the sand out of the jar and then place the big rocks in FIRST. Then you pour the sand over the rocks and it all fits in the jar.
My children are my priority. They are my primary consideration when I make decisions.. big ones and trivial, everyday ones. I consider their physical health and well-being, their educational needs, their emotional needs, their spiritual maturity and discipleship. I cook for them, clean up after them, read to them, teach them, train them, invest in them, love them, discipline them, and encourage them. I pray for them and love them and treasure them. I EMBRACE being a mom whole-heartedly. I am privileged to have TEN wonderful gifts from God and I do not take my role lightly or flippantly. I want my children to know that being their mom was something I treasured... not something I endured. It's all in my attitude and perspective.
As I said, this has been a journey for me and I try to communicate and help other moms to embrace their roles and treasure "all these things." Our children will be richer because of it.
I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" or expound on what a great mother I am. I am just trying to let you know that motherhood is worth embracing. It is enough. Culture and worldly expectations will make you feel like it's a sideline, but now worthy of being your focus. I want to encourage you to embrace motherhood and revel in it and invest your whole heart in it. It is worth it!
Until next time...
Fondee
As mothers, we love to share our birth stories: pregnancy, labor, delivery, first few days of birth. It is a "magical" moment (for lack of a better word.) It is a moment of awe and wonder. Bringing a life into the world is a phenomenal and remarkable experience. There is a reverent awe about it that is unparalleled in our every day existence. I have done it ten times and it is absolutely amazing every time. I am awestruck at the absolute miracle of it all... discovering I am carrying a child before there is any outward, visible showing; feeling the movement of the baby for the first time, hearing the swishing heartbeat, seeing the moving limbs on the sonogram, watching elbows and knees move across my extended belly, and the entire birthing process, the great force of my muscles preparing my body for the miraculous birth, the incredible feeling of seeing the baby the first time and the beauty and freshness of him/ her.
Yes, I treasure these things and I ponder them in my heart. I go beyond that. I share the stories with others. I share them with my children. They love to hear their birth stories. I reflect on them... and not just the stories of their births, but stories of the baby years, and toddler years, and elementary years. I treasure all of it.
When I was a young girl, I played with dolls. I imagined myself to be a mother. It was my greatest aspiration. Oh, I thought of other professions and entertained the idea of being a veterinerian, a physical therapist, a school teacher, a family and marriage counselor, a performer, a nurse..... but I never abandoned my aspirations of being a mom. And then, over 21 years ago, that dream became a reality. I graduated from college with a degree in English and certification in secondary education on December 15, 1989. December 26 (11 days later), I became a mom. I admit that I did not have the revelation of being a mom then that I have now. It was incredible and I didn't sleep for two days after the birth of my first from the sheer adrenaline. But I didn't embrace Motherhood. I accepted it, but I didn't EMBRACE it and treasure it. I thought that it wouldn't be enough. I was still thinking of teaching school and going back to college to pursue higher education. I didn't realize that motherhood could define me... I didn't know that was acceptable. About three years later, I gave birth to my second born, my first son. It was a beautiful experience, but I shuffled him into my busy life full of ministry and "bigger" pursuits. Two and a half years later I gave birth to my third child. She was also shuffled into my busyness. Two years and three months later I gave birth to #4. We were at a different season. We weren't "on staff" at a church and I had more discretionary time. I enjoyed her and the others daily. I played with them and taught them and read to them and loved it. Two and a half years later I gave birth to #5. I was moving into a season of embracing. I was beginning to realize(finally... I'm a slow learner) that being a mom wasn't secondary. It wasn't a peripheral, it was the focus. It was primary; and it was to be embraced. Fifteen months later I gave birth to #6 at a conference in Illinois. That is an entertaining birth story (we'll save it for another blog), but his first year of life was part of our busyness... but he made it magical. We flew home when he was six days old and were reunited with my other children. Those first few days and weeks of being a mom with six children was a time of changing and maturing and moving into my element. I wholeheartedly embraced my role. I reveled in it. I no longer feel like being a mom isn't enough. I have moments of feeling inadequate or ineffective, but I LOVE being a mom. Colossians 3:23 says whatever you do, do it with all your heart. I am a whole hearted mom. My children are not shuffled into my busy world... my busy world is shuffles around them. I am reminded of the jar full of sand that you try to put the rocks in. The rocks won't fit - until you pour the sand out of the jar and then place the big rocks in FIRST. Then you pour the sand over the rocks and it all fits in the jar.
My children are my priority. They are my primary consideration when I make decisions.. big ones and trivial, everyday ones. I consider their physical health and well-being, their educational needs, their emotional needs, their spiritual maturity and discipleship. I cook for them, clean up after them, read to them, teach them, train them, invest in them, love them, discipline them, and encourage them. I pray for them and love them and treasure them. I EMBRACE being a mom whole-heartedly. I am privileged to have TEN wonderful gifts from God and I do not take my role lightly or flippantly. I want my children to know that being their mom was something I treasured... not something I endured. It's all in my attitude and perspective.
As I said, this has been a journey for me and I try to communicate and help other moms to embrace their roles and treasure "all these things." Our children will be richer because of it.
I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" or expound on what a great mother I am. I am just trying to let you know that motherhood is worth embracing. It is enough. Culture and worldly expectations will make you feel like it's a sideline, but now worthy of being your focus. I want to encourage you to embrace motherhood and revel in it and invest your whole heart in it. It is worth it!
Until next time...
Fondee
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A season to rest
Crazy Texas Weather... But I must admit that I have rather enjoyed being "snowed in" for a few days with my family. The forced slow-down has caused me to think and reflect on the value of seasons. In God's infinite wisdom, He created seasons... a time to plant, a time to sow, a time to reap, a time to work, a time to harvest, a time to rest. With all our modern technology and "conveniences", I often neglect the season of rest. We can just continue working and doing whatever it is we want to do.. with little or no regard to HIS divine plan and design. Rest is NOT a sign of weakness or laziness. It is a blessing and it is a sign of wisdom. I don't know where I picked up the Strong Woman Syndrome and the distorted image of what I should be. Supermom... non-stopping... always able... always available to do... forever patient.... always enjoying the process (and never getting irritated about the mess)... Well, the truth of the matter is, I need to rest. I need some down-time. Some good, ol' stop and charge my batteries time. And I need it on a regular basis. Interesting article I read several months ago about how scientists have figured out that our bodies need rest on a regular basis. How often you ask? Well, in all their scientific knowledge and logged data and research, they discovered that we need a day of rest every week....hmmmmm... Could have saved some time, energy, and money and just read the Bible and took God at His Word. He designed us that way and then told us what we needed to do for optimum performance. Recognize and heed His Word.. a day of rest, a season of recharging.
I'm going to continue to meditate on this and will, hopefully, post more soon!
I'm going to continue to meditate on this and will, hopefully, post more soon!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
tired.... but blessed
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I never feel tired or overwhelmed... or discouraged. Some days are just like that. My house is not as clean as I want it to be, I'm not as organized as I think I should be, and my children are not as well trained as I would like for them to be. My world is not perfect; my work is never-ending; and my expectations are too high. But, every day I am blessed. Every day I look around and feel abundantly blessed. The reason my house is not clean is because of ABUNDANCE! Praise the Lord! I am blessed. My children are awesome and I enjoy them. Yes, it's true - they expect to be fed at least three times a day. And it's true - they dirty up a LOT of clothes. And they don't always put things away like they should, but they are blessings, nonetheless. Every day I get up and have to fix meals and wash dishes and tend to the laundry and sit at my desk and do school with my children and sweep the floor and lots of other things that are just a part of my every day life. I can grumble and complain, or I can enjoy the journey and my blessings and do every chore in love for the incredible family that I am blessed with. I'm not perfect... sometimes I don't do everything in the right spirit. But I do recognize my blessings. And I am thankful. Even when I have to step over the clutter and walk over the mountains of laundry in my bathroom.. I hate them there, but since I don't have a laundry room yet that's the way it is. (More about the coming laundry room in a future post!)
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